Do you work? What is your work? Do I work? What is my work?
tldr: that which functions
The new year of 2016 started my new occupation: being home with the kids. Between my wife and I, it financially made sense after we decided it was a given that we would raise our children in-house. We find that reason alone is legitimate. One of us focuses on the mundane, low-level bedrock that enables the human side of life. The other focuses on the fuel. More dedicated focus on a role breeds more competence and dependability.
To avoid confusion as to whether or not I decided to be the primary caretaker of our children in the name of feminism, I didn't. To be blunt, feminism is a sham. I do this because it serves the interests of both me and my wife. It's purely selfish. More importantly it serves the interests of our children. Capacity to perform in these two domains face diminishing returns when neither stick to one of the domains to lead.
My work is a conglomeration of interests. My most steady money-making occupations have included restaurant work and engineering. My current work is homemaking and planning my next occupation once our children are set with general autonomy.
The psychological transformation I've had from choosing this work has been not only humbling, but tormenting. I always thought I was going to work and make money doing something I studied or practiced. In fact, I wanted to and still do. I also always knew I was going to have kids. It made sense to me. So my confliction between a parental role that I know is necessary and my desire to benefit by drive and ability to be productive has been a major form mental block.
I've noticed my freedom from needing to generate an income for my family is a major source of people's shock and resentment. It's inevitably associated with the idea that I don't work, that I'm lazy, or that somehow I believe I'm entitled to a care-free spoiled life without challenge; the typical idea of a millennial. This can't be further from the truth. The work I accomplish is a necessity for my family, as it is for all families.
I've been wondering what it is. Are my actions threatening in some way? Should I seek approval for how I'm occupied? Is there a certain amount of money I should be making for myself? Which product? Which boss? How far should I commute? How fast should I be making this money? Should I financially support my wife instead? Which childcare service should I outsource to? How much social fun time am I allowed?
It routinely seems that what I do is offensive to those who willingly opt out from handling particular tasks we recognize as necessary for a developing family and it's rather unfortunate.
I do not claim those who don't routinely perform these homemaking tasks are doing anything wrong, but I am leaving open the idea that perhaps there are alternative ways to establish structure not only for children, but for a spouse who benefits from greater focus on work outside the home. Not to mention, as I've eluded to, I also benefit from the ability to focus on things that interest me, things I can learn about, that I can turn into some form of operation or income.